In Loving Memory of Justin Selman

Aug. 14, 1982 - Dec. 25, 2007

Good-bye until we meet again.

Justin's Death and Funeral (Justin was the son of Louis and Pamela - grandson of Sidney O'Quinn, greatgrandson of Susie Crews Reagin and gggrandson of Hardy and Martha Thomas Crews.) Written by Justin's Mom, Pamela Tuesday morning: We were just on our way into the family room to open Christmas presents on Christmas morning when the phone rang. I was thrilled to see on the caller ID, that it was from a Spangenberg. My son and daughter in law's phones are both registered in her maiden name, which is Spangenberg. I answered with a cheery, "Hey" to hear my younger son say, "Mom we have some really bad news. There has been an accident and Justin didn't make it". "What"? "Justin didn't make it, Mom", Jon said again. I immediately demanded, "Why is Nikki laughing"? My first thought had been that he and Justin were playing some kind of joke on me. I could hear Nikki in the background crying but I thought she was laughing. It had not even occurred to me that she was crying. Jon said, "She's crying", that's when it began to sink in what he was saying. Then I asked "what happened" and the nightmare poured forth. Jonathan, Justin, Nikki and the boys had had a good evening the night before. They stayed up late together, after putting the boys to bed, wrapping Santa presents and laughing and joking around. Justin was looking forward to seeing the boys open their gifts from Santa the next morning and had made Jon and Nikki promise to wake him up when the boys got up. Around midnight and about the time they were finishing wrapping gifts, Justin's friend came over. He was a long time friend of Justin's that everyone tried to get him to stop hanging around with. He was known for drinking and being violent and for driving fast and crazy on his motorcycle. Jon and Nikki went to bed and Justin and his friend were hanging out in the garage drinking Vodka and smoking cigarettes. Around 1:30am or 2:am, they began to get a little loud and so Jon got up and told them to be quieter so they wouldn't wake the boys. Justin told Jon they were going to walk down the street to QT for drinks or cigarettes. Jon says the next thing he heard, was the motorcycle crank up and go racing down the street. When Jon and Nikki woke up the next morning, Justin was not there. They were surprised because he had been adamant that he wanted to watch the boys open their gifts on Christmas morning. However, not having a way to call him (he did not have a working cell phone), they went ahead and opened the gifts. Just as they finished with gift opening, someone knocked on the door. It was Justin Blackman or "Little Justin" as we have always called him. He told Jon and Nikki that Justin had been killed the night before after wrecking on the motorcycle with a friend. The friend had been taken to the hospital in critical condition. That is really about all Little Justin knew. Jon immediately called me. Then they headed to the hospital to see if they could see Justin. They were told that he was not at Kennestone Hospital and were redirected to a Cherokee County hospital. They called me and told me that and then headed to Cherokee County. There, they ran into Little Justin and his sister, Amber, at the hospital. They claimed to all be my Justin's siblings and so were all allowed to see his body. Justin was in a body bag on a gurney up against a wall. His head was turned to the right and they could only see the left side of his face. They all said he looked perfectly normal with just a small gash on his forehead and his eyes open as though he were staring off into space, half asleep. He did have blood on his head but they saw no other injuries. Amber did later say that she had noticed that his nose looked crooked but there were no other obvious signs of trauma they could see. He was even still wearing his earrings from what they could see. They were told an autopsy would be performed the next morning and that Matt was being charged with first degree vehicular homicide. Nikki called me to let me know that they had positively identified Justin. They were assured that he died instantly upon hitting a sign. Since his face was undamaged, we assumed he had chest trauma. Jon and Nikki went to the scene of the accident on Bells Ferry Road, just south of Highway 92, right in front of a church. There were bits and pieces of the motorcycle spread over the whole 130 feet of accident scene. They picked up several pieces and found one of Justin's earrings that he had been wearing. They found a few coins and Justin's cigarettes and a few other small items. While they were there a Georgia State Trooper, Accident Investigator came up to inspect the accident scene. When he discovered that Jon was Justin's brother and that he had seen both Justin and his friend right before the accident, he wanted to talk to them about what had happened. Jon and Nikki gave a recorded statement about the fact that the friend and Justin had shared a bottle of Vodka and then Jon had asked them to be quiet and how then he heard the motorcycle crank up. The investigator told them that his preliminary estimate was that they had been going 75 to 80 miles per hour at the time of the accident. Justin was thrown into a caution sign signaling a stop light was just ahead and had been killed instantly. He was pronounced dead at the scene at 2:51am. Later on when Little Justin checked his cell phone messages, he found a message from Justin and his friend telling him Merry Christmas. That message had been left at 2:21am. That leaves a thirty minute period during which, Justin was killed. Wednesday afternoon: I arrived in Birmingham around 3:30, I guess. When I got in line to pick up my rental car, there was a sign saying that if you used a debit card instead of a credit card, they would possibly charge you up to an extra $200 deposit on the car. I knew that before I'd purchased my plane ticket, I had only about $500 in my account. So the whole time I was in that rental line, I was praying hard to be able to get the car so I could get to Atlanta. Then when I got up to the counter, the lady told me the deposit would be determined by my credit report which would be pulled momentarily. I nearly panicked for sure then because our credit is terrible (bankruptcy). Then I did some serious praying while she slid that card through the machine. Thankfully I was approved and not charged a large deposit. I have no idea how other than prayer. Then I drove to Atlanta, arriving at Jon and Nikki's home Wednesday evening. Amber Johnson was there. We all talked about Justin and looked at pictures. As I was getting there, Louis called and said I needed to call my friend Melanie because she had called and offered to purchase round trip tickets for him and Olivia. What a great blessing that was for us. Louis and Olivia would not have been able to go to Georgia if Melanie had not made such an extraordinary offer. Arrangements were made for Louis and Olivia to arrive in Atlanta on Friday night. Thursday morning: Jon and I went to the accident scene and he showed me the sign that was bent all the way over at the base and was ripped out of the ground by the force of Justin's body hitting it. He also showed me where there were blue jeans ground into the sidewalk. We also found a puddle of congealed blood that had to be Justin's, right next to the sign. The other boy had landed way farther down the road. The blood was still wet two days after the accident. He must have lost a LOT of blood. After the accident scene, we went to the funeral home to make arrangements. Jon asked me how we were going to pay for it and I told him I guess we'll just make payments into infinity. We choose modest arrangements. When we were looking at caskets, we joked that Justin had said he could pull off pink when Nikki teased him about maybe getting a pink shirt. Jon chose a nice gray colored casket with silver mountings. Nice but modest. After making all of our choices, we went back to the office to discuss payment. The man said we would have to pay the full amount before the service could be held and nightmare number two began. Up to that point, it had never even occurred to me that you wouldn't be able to make payments on a funeral. I explained to him that there was simply no way I could pay upfront. There was no insurance. No way I could borrow the money (we filed bankruptcy a couple of years ago). No one else who could pay for it. There was simply no way to pay before the service. We asked about other funeral homes. He said no others would accept payments either. We discussed grave side services which were going to cost very nearly what the traditional funeral we wanted cost. He suggested cremation that would have been a few thousand cheaper but still money I didn't have. I asked what did people do when they simply didn't have it. He suggested our checking into an indigent burial where there would be no service at all. I left there barely holding it together. When we got to Jon's home, I went straight to my room to cry and pray for help. When I came out of my room, Jon was on the phone. He had called the investigator and found out there was indeed insurance on the motorcycle and what company it was. He then called the insurance company and was talking to them when I came out of my room. I went back and prayed some more for Jonathan to be inspired in what he said and for the hearts of the people at the insurance company to be touched to help us. Then I went and sat beside Jon and listened to his side of the conversation. At first it was unclear if Justin's friend was covered on the insurance or if his dad were covered. Finally they decided he was covered. Then there was the question of whether his friend was at fault. Finally they agreed it sounded like his friends fault. Then they were willing to pay for the funeral but could not write the check for at least a month because of holidays and needing paperwork from the court house stating that I was Justin's next of kin. Jon then got on the phone to the funeral home and explained the situation. They agreed to accept payment from the insurance company, as long as they could speak to the insurance company and verify their intent to pay and as long as I would write a personal check, for them to hold, to cover the funeral in the event the insurance company didn't pay. Nightmare number two under control, at least for the moment. I truly don't know what I would have done without Jon's help. Friday morning: One of the first things we had to do was go to the Kennesaw City Hall to purchase the plot in the city cemetery. They wanted their money up front also but thankfully the plot only cost $750 and Louis got paid Friday. If this had happened last week or next week I wouldn't have had the money to do it. But we were blessed in that it happened on a pay week. We also had to pay the people who open and close the grave. They wanted $550 and they also would not wait to be paid. Again, I'm so grateful this happened on a week Louis was getting paid or it would have been impossible for us to pay for it. As it is we used our rent money but at least we buried our son. Friday afternoon: The viewing was scheduled for Friday afternoon. Just a little while before I was to go to the funeral home for the viewing, I got an urgent call telling us to bring a hat of some kind with us because they were having trouble covering bruises and trauma to Justin’s face. He also said that after we brought the hat, we could then make the determination of whether to have his casket open or closed. This was my first clue that his face was marred by the accident. That really rocked me. When I came out of my room, Nikki's mom was there and as I tried to tell them about the hat, I started to cry. Jon ran to Wal-Mart before going to the funeral home and picked something up then met us at the funeral home with it. We needed to choose a verse or saying of some sort to go on a little memory card they were making up. I asked Nikki to do that because I didn't want to take the time to do it (and I'm glad I did because she chose the perfect one). I wanted to see my son. I had been bracing myself for this moment. I walked slowly towards the casket and peered in at him. If I had been asked to find my son on my own, I would not have been able to do it. The body in the casket looked nothing like my son. The hair was orange with make up. There was so much make up on the face it was caked around his eyes and his head was almost round where my son's head should have been long and narrow. Asked to find him on my own, I would not have recognized him. The funeral director explained to me that they had to go in and push his head back out a little and reshape it because there had been many "fractures" on the right side of his face and head. That side of his face and forehead were also almost black with bruising. That's why they had put so very much make up on him. His nose was no longer centered down his face but was slanted slightly. I asked what other injuries Justin had and was told that he also had one broken leg. It didn't look like Justin at all. After the funeral director left, I pushed his sleeves up and looked at his tattoos just to double check that this body was my son. I really wish I had been able to see him before they had him all made up like that. Between the viewing and the funeral about 60 people signed the book. Most of those who were at the viewing were also at the funeral. The funeral was at 4PM on Saturday afternoon. Bishop Wayne Tub conducted the funeral. The opening song was "I Stand All Amazed" : 1) I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me. I tremble to know that for me he was crucified, That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died. Oh it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me! Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me! 2) I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine to rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine, That he should extend his great love unto such as I, Sufficient to own, to redeem and to justify. Oh it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me! Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me! 3) I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt! Such mercy, such love, and devotion can I forget? No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat, Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet. Oh it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me! Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me! The opening prayer was said by Justin's uncle, Hank Hillebrants. Then I spoke briefly. This is basically what I said: I do not believe that death is the end of life. What we call death is merely the separation of the spirit from the body. Justin is dead but all that means is that his spirit has left his body. What we see here, is not the Justin we loved and who made us laugh. It is just the vessel that held Justin and I think it is important to remember that. I like to picture his spirit in a bright light with God enjoying the overwhelming love of his savior. And because of that I believe this funeral should also be a joyous occasion. I want this day to be a celebration of his life. I want us to remember the happy and fun times we've had with Justin. And when you leave here today, I sincerely hope you will have a smile on your face and joy in your heart for the good memories you have of Justin. And I hope that you feel uplifted by this service honoring him instead of sad. I really believe Justin would want you to be smiling too. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. Then Amber Johnson Lowe spoke briefly. She said: I remembered Justin, as a very kind hearted person. He would do anything to make you happy if he knew you were upset about something. He was well mannered, he was always smiling and laughing even if the situation wasn't funny. He was great with children and so proud to be an uncle. He told me several times this past month that he "could not believe he was an uncle at 25". He said he would walk into his brother's house and his nephews would come running up and say "Uncle Justin, Uncle Justin". Justin had the ability to become friends with someone and when it was over the whole family was friends with him. So he was very loved by me and my brother and all that came into contact with him. So he will be greatly missed by all. Then Nikki gave the eulogy. She said: I have never had to write anything like this before, but I am so honored I am being given this chance. Most of you who I stand in front of today, have known Justin longer than I have myself. But I can honestly tell you I have seen a man who not only created a bond with my children, but also became an idol in the eyes of my oldest son Joshua. And as I sat down to write this, ironically, my son has been the best inspiration. As I am sure we have all realized the concept of death is difficult for us to grasp, but for a child that same concept is almost non-existent. As I explained this to him to the best of my abilities the only answer I could provide was to say "Uncle Justin is sleeping with the angels". Although I thought it would be enough to satisfy his curiosity, I still found myself struggling to fight back tears from his next question, "why can't he sleep in his bed". I guess some questions are not meant to be answered. Starting back to almost seven years ago I can't say that I really knew Justin or that he really even knew me. I actually recall one of the first times I ever met him, I was fifteen years old and as I tried to introduce myself he stopped me short by saying "I know who you are, you are the one who calls too much". I can't say that over the next few years our conversations got anymore interesting, they mostly consisted of him mumbling and my smiling and nodding my head as I attempted to understand him. But this time was different and from the time he stepped foot in our home the day before Thanksgiving even still to this day I really got to know him better. Although that is such a short time, I can say I have seen him do some amazing things and that he was probably the happiest I have ever seen him. Everyday that he started at our house usually began with Joshua saying "uncle Justin hold me, play video games with me, I have to go potty, Uncle Justin everything. Jon and I quickly named him Uncle Sucker, and that he was. But you know he didn't care because he just ate it up. He usually stayed with us three or four days a week and I had finally seen a side of him that I was amazed by. Even Alex, at one year old, could work him over. All he had to do was crawl to Justin's feet, pull on his jeans, and he had a free ride in his arms for the rest of the day. It just seemed to come so natural for him to care about them. And the closer our boys got to him, so did we. We would poke fun at each other, I would scold him and he would tell me I was crazy, but I just wanted him to know we believed in him and he could do great things with himself. I stand in front of you today and I am happy. I am happy that Jon and I spent this past month really getting to know Justin. I am happy our last words were "Merry Christmas" and we opened Christmas Presents two days early with him. I am happy he had a large family to spend the holidays with and that my mom got a chance to hug him before he left. I am happy that he showed me how wrapping Christmas presents is done, and that these are the memories we will always be able to hold on to. This is for you, Justin Lanier Selman. Uncle Justin, Uncle Sucker, Big Justin, Big Jdawg and Big Bear Scuba. You are a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, an uncle and a friend. We love you. You will be missed greatly, but your soul will rest in peace, because you are sleeping with the angels. Then Fred Goff gave a short talk. He said: I have never in my life felt so inadequate to a task at hand as I feel today. We all know that death comes to everyone; it is an unavoidable part of our existence, but it strikes particularly painfully when it comes in youth. It is like slap in the face and it reminds us that life on this earth is indeed temporary. It brings added grief to parents, who, in a perfect world, would never outlive their own children. Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment, for God has said: "Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die." We mourn because we have lost, and because our sight is limited. As the apostle Paul put it: We see now through a glass darkly. We see death as an ending, but the truth is, it is a changing. Justin has not ceased to exist. Scripture tells us that the spirits of all men and women, as soon as they are departed from their mortal bodies are taken home to that God who gave them life. If we could see through Justin's eyes at this time, we might have a very different attitude. I am friends with a woman who died on the operating table many years ago. She related to me her experience at that time. She saw herself standing in a field more beautiful than she could describe. In the distance was a large group of people, looking at her and waving and inviting her to join them. She told me that at that time, there was nothing more she wanted to do than cross that field and be with those people, but it was not her time yet. A few days ago, it was Justin's time. And no doubt there were many who welcomed him. Grandparents and great grandparents who know him and are ready to welcome him on this new part of his journey. A few years ago, Louis' mother passed away, and I have no doubt that she was waiting to welcome Justin and perhaps give him a piece of her mind. For Justin, it is now a time for growth and learning and waiting. Waiting for that day when his spirit will once again reunite with, a this time, perfected body, never to die again. Some maintain that there is nothing as permanent as death. They are wrong. The grip of physical death is temporary. Just as Christ died on the cross on a Friday afternoon, so we all must face death and our own dark Fridays. But Friday was not the end of the story; it was the beginning. After Friday came Sunday: 1 Now upon the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain others with them. 2 And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre. 3 And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garments: 5 And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead? 6 He is not here, but is risen. Justin has had his Friday, and we are here to day to mourn his departure. I won't say loss, because he is not lost to us. He is simply departed. He has made a journey to a distant land. We are saddened because we are not allowed to follow him just yet, but we can look forward to the day when it is time for our Journey and we will once again see Justin. And just as Sunday came after Friday for Christ, so will the Sunday come after Justin's Friday, and he, too will be risen, never to die again. As strange as it may seem, death is an essential part of God's great plan of happiness. We feel sorrow now at the loss of Justin, but that sorrow will only make the reunion with him all the sweeter. We can't fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life. I would like to relate a story about a young man, Arthur Patton. Arthur had blond, curly hair and a smile as big as all outdoors. He stood taller than any boy in the class and so was able to fool the recruiting officers at the beginning of WWII. Though only 15, Arthur was able to enlist in the navy. Arthur's mother was a widow who worked as a cleaning lady. Each day of her life, except Sundays, she could be seen walking the sidewalk, pail and brush in hand, her gray hair pulled back into a tight bob. Whenever Tommy, a friend to Arthur, would pass her house, she would invite him in to hear the latest letter from Arthur. Then, in 1944, Arthur's ship was attacked at Saipan and he was lost at sea. During the war, mothers would place a blue star in their window to honor their sons in combat. If that son were killed, the blue star would be replaced with a gold star. When Tommy saw that gold star in the window, he approached her house wondering what words of comfort a mere boy could give. Arthur's mother opened the door, embraced Tommy as if he were her own son. She spoke these words: "Tommy, I belong to no church, but you do. Tell me, will Arthur live again?" Tommy assured her he would. To the same question, I give the same answer. "Will Justin live again?" The answer is yes! And like the Apostle Paul, we can say: O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? We do not have to be one, who in agony of spirit, says "Good-bye. Good-bye forever." Instead, through our sorrow, we can wipe away the tear and say, Good-bye, Justin. Good-bye until we meet again. The closing song was "God Be With You Till We Meet Again". 1) God be with you till we meet again; By his counsels guide, uphold you; With his sheep securely fold you. God be with you till we meet again. Till we meet, till we meet, till we meet at Jesus' feet, Till we meet, Till we meet, God be with you till we meet again. 2) God be with you till we meet again; When life's perils thick confound you, Put his arms unfailing round you. God be with you till we meet again. Till we meet, till we meet, till we meet at Jesus' feet, Till we meet, Till we meet, God be with you till we meet again. 3) God be with you till we meet again; Keep love's banner floating o'er you; Smite death's threatening wave before you. God be with you till we meet again. Till we meet, till we meet, till we meet at Jesus' feet, Till we meet, Till we meet, God be with you till we meet again. The closing prayer was said by Justin's uncle, Neil Allsbrook. We then went to the gravesite and there we had a short prayer to dedicate the grave and we were done.

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With Love, Judy

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